How Did I Get Here? – Life without Alcohol One Month On

Here we are the NEW ME – not by choice my body and doctors told me it had to happen!!!

What is Pancreatitis? –

• Alcohol abuse
• Lumps of solid material (gallstones) found in the gallbladder. Gallstones block the pancreatic duct so the enzymes can’t get out of the pancreas.
• Some of the Symptoms
• Severe belly pain that may spread to your back or chest (it may feel worse after you eat)
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Rapid heart rate
• Fever
• Swelling and feeling sore or tender in your upper belly

Above is just a breakdown of what I had to deal with, it also affected my liver which along with my pancreas are now damaged but by sorting things out will repair over time so overall it is down to me to deal with it and I am. Here is how the first month as gone ..

With no idea what the next few weeks were to bring at the beginning of December I travelled to Arbroath in Scotland, it had been planned several monthe before, ticking another football ground off was the idea, but why Arbroath, well the nearest ground to the North Sea in Britain (and it was), the only remaining semi-professional football side in the Scottish Football Professional structure and also the most famous pie hut in British Football

_exposure

9 hours to get there thanks to the rail strikes (yes I know I work on the railway), my journey plans had to change because of them. I checked into my hotel and got sorted before heading to the bar for a well needed pint (first of many that day). I had arranged to meet a mate who like me was ground hopping (visiting new grounds even though you don’t support the team) at a local bar which wasn’t far from the hotel, we sank another 3 or 4 pints before the game and arrived just after kick off. I wanted to experience standing on the terracing at the side of the North Sea, it was about 50 yards to the sea and being December was extremely cold, the game was typical lower league stuff but for a small crowd the atmosphere was loud and apart from Rugby League games it was the first time I had seen the home team’s fans change sides at half time so they were nearer Arbroath side where they were kicking towards (where the Morton fans were). Full time 1-1 we headed back to town and more beers before my mate headed back home to Perth, it was good to be back inside to defrost, most definitely the coldest ground I had ever been to. I decided to stay out rather than go back to the hotel for a power nap (big mistake) to experience what Arbroath night life was like, it surprised me and for a small town was pretty busy, I found a bar with live music so stayed there for another 2 pints before making my way back to the hotel, I was tired now I had been awake since 3am and it was now 9pm so another beer in the hotel bar then 10pm bed it was before breakfast and a long 8 hour travel back home.

I was back on my travels on the Monday to see my daughter and grandson, it was the only chance I had before Xmas to see them, I was working most of the days up to Xmas Eve or so I thought. At this point I wasn’t aware of what the following day and weeks were to bring. We went for something to eat and I gave them our cards and presents then after they had gone I had a few hours to wait before my train back home so pub it was and a few beers (always my routine in Barnsley). I arrived home late because the railway went up the spout because of a massive fire near Wolverhampton which closed the line. I went to bed about midnight but woke up suddenly at about 3am with stabbing pains in my stomach and around my back, I took some paracetamol to ease the pain. I thought it’s indigestion but I was sweating, feeling sick and faint. The pains didn’t really ease if anything they got worse so rather than just carry on I phoned in sick to work, I don’t do sick unless I can’t lift my head off the pillow and I was at that point, I then did 111 Online, answered the usual questions and it advised to go to A & E so I booked a taxi to take me to New Cross Hospital. I was still in agony and really struggling I had to wait about 90 minutes before I was seen by a doctor, I had bad vibes I was thinking 2011 all over again (see Midlands or Bust Part 2) I was asked loads of questions, he checked my stomach, it was painful, he was concerned and then confirmed what i had thought it was pancreatitis, so hospital again it was, it wasn’t as bad as 11 years previous but still not good.

I was put on a side ward to await transfer to a assessment ward which was about 4 hours later, the usual checks and tests started blood pressure, weight, canulas and drips of morphine and adrenaline to rehydrate me, apparently I was dehydrated. For 2 days I was on the assessment ward, my consultant came to see me and told me in no uncertain terms how lucky I was to still be here, if I had left it another few days it could have been worse and I wouldn’t be writing this now. I was told basically the reasons why all this was happening, my lifestyle and drinking was the major causes so I had to stop drinking and alter my diet for a start now 11 years previous I was given the same advice but apart from 6 months I ignored it and now it had caught up with me. I had always been a rebel and it was my way or no way but this time I listened to the doctors and nurses, I had reasons to keep living I wanted to see my grandkids grow up I also wanted to see my retirement in September 2023 and I had a awesome family around me who I didn’t want to put through all this again so change my life it is, all valid reasons to keep living.

For seven days I was an human pin cushion I was surprised I had any blood left the amount the vampires were taking, I slept quite a lot, not a lot else to do in hospital but my body was resting and repairing, the only well not letdown was being woke up every three or four hours for the checks to be done. I was given advice by several people and yes I listened the rebel in me had been shut down.

Now I know it would take a lot of mental strength to sort myself out but I knew in myself I could do it, the support from my Twitter fam, my family and friendsm eant a lot to me and is a massive help., but I know the ultimate thing that will keep me on the straight and narrow was a Whatsapp message from my granddaughter that she sent me while I was in hospital and it just happened to come when I was probably having a bad day and the reality of the situation was kicking in, I didn’t expect the message, I was in bits when I read it so I have kept it and when or rather if I feel like Im falling off the wagon I will read it to keep me on the straight and narrow path. I also have downloaded a ‘Quit Drinking’ app on my phone which keeps track of my sober days, money saved etc and I have started this blog to keep me focussed too, it’s like a big diary but more open and public, yes I have put my life in the public eye but it’s one of the ways I keep going I don’t care really, a lot of stuff as been locked away in a little black box at the back of my mind for years, stuff I wanted to forget about forever but this situation as made me open it all up, I feel better for letting everything out, NO HOLDS BARRED as I have said but I feel positive about my life and what the future has it stands holds for me, 34 days now without a drink and it maybe early days but I am finding it easy to not even think about a pint even more so considering a doctor at the hospital on the day I was discharged was convinced and actually said to me I would start drinking again and even more because Xmas was coming, well Mr Doctor I have proved you so wrong and will continue to do so, another reason to keep going. I have proved him wrong that I don’t need alcohol to live a good life, yes I may have thought so since I was 18 but not now and hopefully not ever again.

The hardest day for me out of these 34 was Xmas Day, we had all the family at our house which was great, seeing my grandkids all together made me happy I worshipped them and felt in myself I had let them down but now I was going to make up for time, everybody was drinking which when I had stopped I found a little hard to deal with so I went in to the living room to rest, I was still getting my strength and appetite back so it was easy to feel drained and tired.

So one month and a bit on from all this happening this post was about how it started and how I am dealing with, I take one day at a time and that is all I can do. Next stage is watching football sober, playing darts sober and getting back to work which I hope if things keep going as they are will be next month in February, I am still waiting for hospital appointments for the camera down the throat and liver scans but hey at the moment I can move forward happily and positive.