No it’s not about Neil Diamond and Sweet Caroline if you think that’s what the title is about. this blog is all about how I could have destroyed myself through alcohol and a crazy lifestyle over the years. I hope you understand why I am doing this blog, it’s part of me dealing with the problem and keeping me focussed and on the up. No holds barred account of my life.
The title says 39 years but that was when I had my first drink at 18 years old, even though I had been surrounded by the devil drink since I was born, my mom used to give me raw whisky on a dummy when I was teething so I suppose that didn’t help. I suppose it all started in September 1965 when I was born, we lived opposite a pub on Pitt Street Low Valley, which is between Wombwell and Darfield in Barnsley, South Yorkshire so I suppose the mark was set when I was born.
Low Valley where I was born
In the 60’s and 70’s life was not easy but we were a close knit community, everybody knew everybody, kids could play in the street without fear of any danger compared to nowadays, but rukes were rules you had to be in the house before it got dark or you knew the consequences from your dad, yes discipline did exist then, your parents were god and you listened to them, I think that is what made me a better person in the long run even though I did rebel at times. Every weekend my mom and dad would go out to the local pub opposite our house, both smartly dressed as all the adults were, there was no such things as discos back in those days so it was just singalongs, dancing and conversations that kept the night lively, everybody knew everybody and always looked out for each other. I always looked up to my dad he was a great man who worked hard down the pit to provide for our family.
Anyway the 80’s came, mom and dad had divorced and we had to move house, so we left Low Valley and moved to Rose Avenue, Darfield. 1982 came my first battle, my mom had been diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and all the family had to be tested, she had 11 brothers and sisters but only little old me was the one that had UC, so 16 years old about to enter a world that would change my life forever, so 16 years old diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, about to have 2 major operations before Christmas 1982, first one was on my birthday in September, second one was 5 days before Christmas 1982 to make it permanent, even now 40 years on I find the ileostomy hard to accept but without it I wouldn’t be here now also not a lot of people talked about invisible illnesses then whereas now we do. I made 3 aims that was reach 6 foot (I’m 5ft 10″), reach 12 stone (I’m about that) and reach 40 ( I’m 57 so smashed that one).
Barnsley Hospital 1982 – Barnsley FC Squad visited me
We didn’t have a lot of money, not many people had then so we always struggled, life wasn’t easy, which makes this harder for me to write, I now realise how lucky I am to be surrounded by friends and family that care. Don’t get me wrong I’m not perfect I hold my hands up I have done some silly things in my life which I regret now, people I got involved with which now I wish I hadn’t and probably didn’t help getting me to where I am now. June 1983 it all changed again, my mom died after a very short battle with Ulcerative Colitis, this scarred me for a long time and probably still does but older and wiser I can handle it. My brother was 15, I was 17 and we were thrown into an adult world of bills, rent etc something we never had to worry about before. My dad and stepmom came back from holiday to obviously pick the pieces up. This wasn’t a nice experience because all the hatred and stuff came out about my mom, they threw all our clothes away and bought brand new for us, I rebelled against everything and as I always have even now if I want to do it then I will, my brother was young and didn’t really understand and believed everything he was told whereas I took it with a pinch of salt. I was the black sheep of the family I didn’t toe the line but I didn’t care, it took me nearly 20 years to really forgive my stepmom and make peace ( I’m glad I did).
So September 1983 came and even though I was born opposite a pub I had never been in one except for the middle door hatch at The Sportsman (opposite my old house) for my 10p mix of sweets from the landlord (well known for his handlebar moustache). My 18th birthday and I had never had a alcoholic drink ever, never even thought about it (my brother had done for a few years) but it was legal for me now so time to see what it was all about, this was to change my life and me forever not for the better at times.
The Drop Pub (Left) George Hotel (Centre) Sportsman Inn (Right)
In Low Valley there were 3 pubs (see the picture above) The Sportsman Inn (opposite my old house), The George Hotel and The Drop (so called because of the step down from the main front door which many a person as missed). This was going to be my night out to celebrate my birthday, I met up with a few schoolfriends that still lived in the area, I think I took £5 out for the night (can’t even get a pint for that in some places now), lager which was my chosen drink was fairly cheap then and five pound got you a long way, remember I had never drank beer before so I thought be sensible take it steady and I will be okay. I took ID out because even at 18 I did not look the age, even though everybody knew me (our family was well known in Low Valley) even at 19 I used to get the bus for a childs fare of 2p. It was Friday night, everybody had finished the working week, I lived in a mining community so everybody was out spending their weekly wage packets no such thing as bank accounts for some people then especially the old school. All the pubs were busy and the atmosphere and music was good, back in the 80’s it was good sounds not like some of the stuff today but one song will stick with me forever and I have hated it ever since, Karma Chameleon by Culture Club, I must have heard it 9 times that night so you can understand why I hate it, catchy but annoying.
At the beginning I said no holds barred account of my downfall it’s still my way of putting the past to bed and to look to the future and healthier and better lifestyle, yeah it may be boring but I am alive. Don’t judge me on what I was judge me on what I am now, a stronger wiser person who learnt lessons the hard way.
Over the next few years I met somebody, we bought our first house in 1987 then got married in 1988, because money was tight I wasn’t on the best of wages one job was not enough so I was doing a few jobs just to make ends meet. I started DJing which became my downfall a few years later. My daughter was born in 1989, our local pub which we frequented a lot, I played darts for them just like I did for a few more pubs in Wombwell, again alcohol a big part of the night out, I can’t remember playing a darts player who never drank whereas now I have played quite a few , anyway the pub stayed open until my daughter was born. My mate took me through to the hospital while we waited for her to be born, we decided we wanted a cup of tea but there was nobody about so we walked into the hospital kitchen to make the drink, needless to say we never got the tea because we were kicked out of the kitchen by the night staff. I found it hard to have a steady life I was working full time and also other jobs as well, I should have been the perfect dad but I wasn’t and I’m not ashamed to admit it, I’m making up for lost time now which I have done for several years, I started playing away from home I know I shouldn’t have but my head was on a different planet, DJing made this easy too, I made excuses I lied to try to cover my tracks which eventually caught up with me. 1992 came and my son was born, I’m thinking I have to calm down, sort my life out and settle down but it was too late, my son was 6 months old when I moved out, I let everybody down, my kids, my dad, me, what the hell was happening I didn’t know then and I still don’t know.
For quite a few years after that probably til about 1997ish, my life was a mess but somehow I held on to my job, I stopped DJing, I went to work with so many hangovers all I did after work was go home, eat sometimes then go to the pub, I moved around from bedsit to flat to flat for a few years, most of my money was on rent and bills plus maintenance for my kids I never neglected that even though I battled at times but there was only one winner. I used to drink anything, lager, cider, spirits, lager and spirits in the same glass, I kept my job I don’t know, I had girlfriend after girlfriend all the wrong types that were bad for me, no matter how many times my bestest mate tried to sort me out (and still does to this day, not as much though) and I can see that now, chaos was my middle name I was going off the rails and didn’t know how to stop. I lived all over Barnsley until about 1999, considering the mess I was in I never ever had trouble with the police until one night, I had been on another bender, came back to my flat, the girl I was seeing at the time attacked me, tried to take a chunk out of my head by biting me, her sister called the police, fabricated a few things like had happened a few times, I was interviewed under caution but because I had all the marks, scratches, lump on my head I received a warning and told to stay away for my own good otherwise I would be arrested and charged with assault, even though it was me that was attacked and the innocent party.
I did have some good times not many but my local football team Barnsley FC have given me many memories in the 54 years I have supported them, 1996/97 I was stewarding at Oakwell when we were promoted to the Premier League but it did come with a downfall, the drinking after, everybody was celebrating it was something that hadn’t happened in the lifetime of the club but for me it was just an excuse for another bender but a happy one.
Since leaving school I have always worked, I started with Barnsley Council on a YTS scheme (£25 per week) at Xmas time we used to have Works Xmas Dinners where everybody would get together and party again lots of alcohol involved then one year I can’t remember which we had a new boss come in from Sunderland and boy did this guy like a drink, Works dinners stopped and my boss decided he would cook the Xmas dinners at his house, rest of the office would buy the beers and the rest is history. Two stories I do remember (and not for the better), one year he gave us all a glass of vintage port, now I’d never heard of the stuff so for me it was a spirit and the way I did spirits was down in one, well you can guess what happened, down it went in one, I didn’t know you had to smell it and sip it it wasn’t in my vocabulary., his face was to say a picture my workmates just burst out laughing. Barnsley has a twin town in Ukraine called Gorlovka and my boss visited on a cultural visit, both were mining towns so had a lot in common, he brought back some Ukrainian Vodka so on another Xmas Dinner, again he cooked we drank, the vodka is so strong you could get drunk on the smell of it. It was late on in the day we had eaten and drank a few beers had a great time as always one thing I will say I worked with a great team, one of my other bosses decided to have some of this vodka (always my weakness), as a challenge and I was always one for that he challenged me to drink a half pint glass of the Ukrainian Vodka, the rest of the day is a blur like I can’t remember it, apparently I had to be carried to a car then dragged upstairs to my flat because my legs had gone.
The next few years passed by, I seemed to somehow find a bit of peace, I had nobody in my life and was calming down a bit, financially it was still a struggle but I wasn’t drinking as much apart from Friday nights with the lads and weekends away in Blackpool again something we started and carried on for years, I needed to do something to improve and better myself I needed to get away from the years of destruction, so late 1999 I made a massive decision, after making peace with my dad who I not spoken to for a few years for various reasons I applied for a job in security at Heathrow Airport, a massive move and totally out of my comfort zone but I had to do it for my own sanity. I handed my notice in at Barnsley Council and even though people tried to talk me out of it I had made my mind up I was going no matter what. I met up with my kids to explain what and why I was doing it and I think they understood ‘if you happy dad and its better for you then we are okay with it’, that was good enough for me I know it would be hard leaving everything behind especially my kids who were still growing up but I knew I could bring them to London for a few days every so often (they had never travelled that far), I decided to give myself 6 months to make it work and if it didn’t then I would go back to Barnsley with no job, no house, no anything apart from what I took to London, more about life in London and the aftermath in the next blog.
And that is how it all started, as Neil Diamond sang ‘I didn’t know it’, I didn’t know what the future held, it either worked or it didn’t, I was entering a MASSIVE chapter off my life, all my life I had somebody round me helping me, advising me now I was moving 200 miles to the big city not knowing what to expect but more about that in part 2
Thank You for reading this and I hope you understand my reasons for doing it, it helps me open up instead of bottling up and if somebody can relate to issues although will be different I’ll be happy
Life without Alcohol - My Journey from the Beginning 