Yet again I gave everything up, leaving London after just over 6 years to move to the West Midlands a place called Willenhall which is between Walsall and Wolverhampton, another new chapter in my life, it started okay but quickly went downhill. It was a big move for me apart from moving to a area I only knew briefly from my time in the 90’s doing security it was to be the first time since 1992 that I had lived with somebody. When I used to visit everything was okay but it all changed when I moved in permanent it was totally opposite to what I had before, chaos would be the best way to describe it and I struggled to deal with it even when I raised the problems with the person I was with, basically told it was my choice to move (it wasn’t it was joint) and if I didn’t like it I knew what to do, I was used to my own independence for years but now it had gone, yes I was part of a relationship but it felt like colditz at times, 1000 questions wondering what I was doing where I was going etc. Alcohol started creeping in again, there was a pub at the top of the road which became my escape route from the madness but it also became a dangerous place has I found out later just before I left in early 2007. I spent a lot of my time at the pub, she was working the kids were at school (or supposed to have been) I was looking for work and ended up signing up for an agency. Over about 6 months I did several different jobs, warehouses, shops etc before the big break came, I got a job through the agency working at Wolverhampton Railway Station checking tickets as [part of an human barrier, it was okay we did get loads of abuse and threats but that was part of customer service life. It was easy work and the hours were decent but back home I still got questioned, I didn’t feel comfortable with this at all, TRUST is a small word with a big meaning and I felt she didn’t trust me even though I had done nothing wrong. I later found out I was being followed everywhere I went, the pub, work, every step I made was being reported back and sometimes words were twisted to make it as if I was doing something wrong, we had argument after argument, I had a short fuse which drinking didn’t help with at all, I had to get out of this relationship but didn’t know how, if I did I would have to find somewhere to live, I had no savings so only was was yet another loan (start of yet another spiral of debt)
March 2007 was a very dark and low point of my already chaotic life, remember I gave up a well paid job in London to move to the Midlands, my choice apparently, I took a massive pay drop but the cost of living was cheaper I suppose, I had worked hard to find some work and although it was agency and temporary the job I had was pretty regular and I hoped led to something permanent at some point, I split up from the person I had moved to be with in Willenhall, I suppose I was partly to blame for this I didn’t help myself at times but living with somebody after being independant for14 years took it’s toll I couldn’t handle it, I had nowhere to live so I was homeless. For 3 nights I slept on the streets anywhere that was dry and fairly warm, shop doorways or telephone boxes, I was still working at the train station too on hardly any sleep, not a lot of food so I struggled but battled on for these homeless days. I was at a point of no return, I wanted out of this world but something kept me going apart from the booze, my kids were the main thing I couldn’t leave them without a dad. One of the lads I was working with at the station offered me a room at his house until I got myself sorted which actually didn’t take too long, only a few weeks, I was grateful for this offer and have never forgot it even though we have lost touch. I took out a loan so I could afford the deposit and first months rent for a place, I was never any good at managing money and always ended up counting the pennies but one thing I always have done is making sure my bills were paid first then anything left was for food and the social side of things, I was always borrowing money but I also made sure it was paid back as promised. I eventually found a flat back in Willenhall Town Centre, it was unfurnished and I didn’t have any furniture so Charity Shops were my friend I got the basics together so at least I was comfortable for the time being, there was no heating apart from a gas fire in the flat so it was cold in winter but at least I had a roof over my head and a job too, the only way was up because my life could’t get any lower.
Also in March my stepmom passed away, she had cancer and didn’t tell anybody until the day before she died. This hit me harder than I thought especially after the last few months but also my brother passing away, 7/7 and the aftermath I really struggled to take it all in and now my stepmom had gone, yes it took time to make peace and accept this was my dad’s life now but I was slowly losing everything around me including my sanity at times. It had a massive effect on my dad, he was a lost soul, everything he had was gone and his downward spiral of giving up started, even though he was strong respectful man he gave up, I think all he wanted was to be with my stepmom, nothing else mattered, his health deteriorated over the next 7 years (more on this later). My big break came about August 2007 and things started to look up for me personally, I applied for a job with the company I was working for through the agency, the job was in Birmingham, so it would involve a lot of travelling but it was a permanent job and something I wanted badly, get a firm footing back in the working world. I didn’t get the job I applied for but was offered one of the station announcer job’s (the one that announces the trains), now believe it or not I am a shy and quiet person (my inner self), my friends would say totally different and see me has outgoing. I took the job and joined in September 2007 (and still there 15 years later), my operational experiences with National Express was a massive help for me in the job, it was different from coaches but similar when it came to disruption (I could move 4 or 500 people on trains where it was find an empty seat on coaches which might take longer and often did).
My stepmom & my dad
People used to think all we did was sit in front of a computer and just announce trains (it’s all computerised now but we still have things to do), some stations do but my station was different, everything thing came through the announcer I called it Mission Control because that was how it felt at times. In my early days well probably first few years the social side was good, we used to have regular meetups and travel about, we have done Liverpool, Warwick, Leamington Spa but our favourite was always London well Camden Town we visited there quite a lot and it always involved lots of beer and food plus a good laugh, shift work was tiring and could be stressful at times but the days out always took that away. We had to plan these days out carefully because of the Drugs & Alcohol Policy, no alcohol 8 hours before a shift and it was zero tolerance, the long weekends were the best for this but we did quite a lot during mid week. Even though I still liked a drink I was more careful and considerate this job was what I wanted so I wasn’t going to mess it up. I was still single but did have a few one night stands and also went out with a few people but I wasn’t happy in these relationships but that all changed in April 2008 and changed my life forever. More in Part 2 about all this and more
Life without Alcohol - My Journey from the Beginning 