Midlands or Bust – Bringing Up to Date Part 3

So here we are the final bit to bring you all up to date after my breakdown of how alcohol and a crazy life led me to where I am now, sorry it’s been long winded but breaking it all down in to sections was the only way otherwise you would be reading for days, so here we go …

Late 2014 came around, Xmas and New Year the first one without my dad and I found it difficult but having my other half and family around helped get me through it but as usual a lot of booze was part of it, it was always a big celebration, one year my sister in law to be would cook dinner then the year after it would be our turn. Our first grandchild was born in 2012 and now 3 years on she was realising what Xmas was all about, for me apart from experiencing Christmas with my kids this was something special for me and it was great to have all the family around. This was the start of what was a massive year for me and my other half, it was wedding year 2015.

A busy year went full on from April, I travelled to Gretna to sort all the legal admin out and to visit the reception venue which was also the hotel everybody was staying at, I was so excited about the future just had to go to Anvil Hall for another look, the venue was stunning. I was travelling back the same day so before I left I found Gretna FC which at some point I would be coming back to watch a game (tick another ground off), I went to the local pub (only one in the village) for a few pints before my train back to the Midlands. This was only the start of a busy few months I had decided to have an early stag do which involved Liverpool and Chester at the end of May, it was Chester Races weekend too which I thought would be a great idea alongside the usual beer sessions in Liverpool but the races never happened it was basically 3 days of drinking, I had all my mates from Barnsley in Liverpool then family members in Chester, I seriously lost count of the amount of beer I drank all I knew it was a lot and hangovers galore but this was my last throw of freedom again so I didn’t care, I had 2 more stag do’s before the wedding too (smaller versions though). We did drink Liverpool and Chester dry though (I can say that without customs pulling me for a conversation).

About 3 weeks before my first stag party I made the big move in with my future wife which for me was a big shock because for 6 years I had lived in Wolverhampton City Centre so on weekends it was noisy because I lived near the main parts of the nightlife but where I lived now it was in a cul-de-sac and so very quiet, the most noise I could hear at night was from the railway crossing about 700 yards from our house so for a few months I struggled to get proper sleep.

Wedding weekend quickly jumped on us, 21 people were to be at our wedding including my bestest mate who was my best man, my son and daughter also came up to Scotland with my mate and his wife. Most of the family travelled by train as far as Carlisle where I had arranged a couple of taxis to transfer us to the hotel in Gretna. Friday night was a party night for the family and friends, we went to the pub in Gretna for food then a last fling as a single man and woman, it was a great night with loads of drink, shots etc and we even rocked the pub dancing. The pub wondered what had hit them, even some of the locals joined in with our pre wedding celebrations, the same happened again on the Saturday night after our wedding and reception, it was an amazing day everything went perfect, we streamed the wedding from the church to family and friends that couldn’t be there, I tripped on the steps going to sign the register and my phone went crazy with people that had seen it on the stream. Over the weekend we must have put loads of money over the bar at the pub and also the hotel we had stayed in.

About three weeks after our wedding we had a big party for everybody that couldn’t be in Gretna, yet another amazing night over 300 people thaer at any one time, the dance floor was never empty and we had live music from two of our family who were singers. Before the reception kicked off my daughter’s then boyfriend told me I was going to be a grandad, I looked at my daughter she looked terrified thinking I was going to have a go at her but I wasn’t , it was the best news I could have wanted, my first grandchild (my blood), I hugged her and cried I was so happy, apart from when they were born and my wedding this was the best news ever, we now have four grandchildren one who is mine and three who are step grandkids but they call me grandad and I treat them as my own too.

So most of a busy year gone, I was now a married man and life was good but at some point I had to throw myself back into working life. shift work was beginning to take its toll a bit, the travelling was tiring and the older I got the harder it became, from leaving home to getting home sometimes it would be a 13 hour day but even at it’s shortest would be about 11 hours and that included my shift, the Sundays were the worst I would get home about midnight and have to be back for 9am on Sunday so these would be 16 hour days but it was my choice to work in Birmingham so I had to deal with it. Living in Willenhall working in Birmingham I didn’t drive so bus and train sometimes taxi to the train station would be the only way I could get to work, again my choice. I still do that journey now 15 years on with alternatives when the railway is down.

I was big into charity fundraising I was involved with a charity called Help Harry Help Others based in Birmingham, in 2015 I did a 12 hour Darts Marathon at my place of work, we raised loads of money and had live music and other stuff happening during the day, this was my first endurance event but I had the taste so 2017 again it all happened again but was only part one of what was to become something to tick off my bucket list. The big adventure was Lands End to John O’Groats by bus and train, a big thing to plan and it took me about 8 months to get everything planned properly, my organisational skills were a big help in this, it was going to be a challenge because I had decided that each day would be about 16 hours long of travelling, I wouldn’t sleep or drink apart from fluids like water and pop, the only time I would have a beer would be at the end of the day along with ticking a number of Wetherspoons off including the most Southern in Penzance and Northern in Wick. In the build up the 12 hours darts marathon at my local pub I raised funds for three charities plus a local charity, I think we raised over £600 on the day. I raised over a £1000 on my bucket list trip and only faced one bit where it could have gone pearshaped but working on the railway I sorted the best connection out for me to continue my adventure.

March 2020 Covid was all around the country, Lockdown happened, I was classed as high risk because of my COPD, High Blood Pressure, Diabetes so should have been shielding from day one (March 23rd) but it was another two weeks before I received the dreaded text so across three lockdowns I shielded for 31 weeks while Boris and the Tories broke the rules, the first one was the worst because I couldn’t leave the house like many others, all I had was the front door and my back garden. For me it was a good thing I wasn’t drinking and I never had at home anyway but from a mental health side of things it was torture on my mind. I had to find things to occupy me, being at home when you are used to be active and out and about was hard, I always had an interest in statistics so I started a big exercise, my love was Barnsley FC so I thought build up a record of everything BFC, players, games, appearances and other associated stats, I did have a couple of contacts who were a massive help to me giving me some stats to work on as a base, it was a massive mission to put all the bits together I bought loads of books for stats and information, again I was spending money on anything apart from booze, I started to feel healthier too, my body was cleansing itself rather than being ripped apart by alcohol.

I think it was early April 2021 before I could go back to work after lockdown restrictions were ended, because I had been off so long I was placed on phased return hours for a few weeks. Now I had freedom again I started going back in th epub, it was my release but I didn’t stay out long, because I had been away so long and it was a new world out there, people were still wary, the way of life had changed, if you coughed people looked at you as if you had covid. I felt safer in my own four walls at home after all it was all I had known for weeks, good thing to come out of this well for about 6 or 7 months I wasn’t drinking as much, I was spending money on other stuff like clothes and things for the house.

When I hit the magical number of 55, I decided to take one of my pensions, I knew what I wanted to do with the money, I cleared my debts and vowed to never get in debt again and spent a bit on doing things in the house and buying things that we could never afford without saving for months to afford things. For the first time in my life I felt financially secure and said my bank account will never drop below a certain amount (and it doesn’t), if we want t o buy things we don’t have to worry about saving for it we just go out and buy it. Financially I was on the up but the pitfall was I could spend a lot and not worry about the next penny was coming from, I was settled and happy in life but I knew at some point there would be a downfall somewhere along the way.

My weekends off work were always expensive, if we weren’t going away somewhere, we would be out with friends or going for meals but also I would spend my own me time out £200 weekends became a regular thing it was always on social side of things, alcohol by the gallon, travelling to football away days or to see my family in Barnsley, it all added up and at some point I had to get things back under control little to know that December 2022 it was or rather had to happen when my health hit back with a massive bang, 11 years previous I suffered the same issues that hit me in December, they came from nowhere but I suppose had been building up for quite a while due to my lifestyle and diet. I was given basically no choice but drinking alcohol had to stop, I had to sort my life out otherwise I might not be around much longer, it was simple as that. First time in my life it was the kick I needed to sort my head out, I wanted to see my grandkids grow up, I wanted to reach my retirement which I was planning for late 2023, if I didn’t sort myself out I would have had none of that so here I am January 2023 29 days in, no alcohol and not even thinking about it, it’s not an issue, yes I know I have a long way to go but it’s a start I suppose, I track my sober days on an app, I also started this blog to give me incentive to keep going documenting my life and struggles before I can now start to document my journey forward.

I will be straight to the point after 57 well 39 chaotic years of ups and downs in my life, I was given two choices in December 2022 if I didn’t sort myself out and the second option wasn’t an option, I have a lot to live for and I can’t thank enough a lot of people who have been there for me and given me the support, you all know who you are.

So now the real journey starts, I take one day at a time but my mindset is totally different to what it was, yes sober football days, sober playing darts I can do it because I know I can.