April 2008 started well, something I thought I would ever see in my life was my football team at Wembley in a FA Cup Semi-Final, little old Barnsley, yes we lost and I was gutted but to share the day with my daughter was special, at the final whistle she said to me ‘Don’t worry dad we will be back’, I said ‘not in my lifetime’ not knowing that 8 years later I would be back twice in the space of 8 weeks. The following weekend was the time that changed my life, I met a Jamaican lady in my local Wetherspoons, we had been speaking for a while, she was friends with somebody I drank with but this night we just seemed to click, I asked her out for a drink the same night, we talked and talked all night, she wasn’t a big drinker unlike me and I was worried that would be an issue, I was still drinking a lot when I was off work but still stuck to the 12 hour rule maximum, I never drank when my shifts were in play so probably went 6 or 7 days without a drink (I have never drank at home) but made up for it on my rest days, football away days and darts days(binge drinking it became by name).
Our relationship got better and better we would text each other or ring each other everyday, I was never questioned as to what I was doing, this was all so new to me, my other half trusted me and let me be me, she didn’t try to change the way I was, for me that was all I wanted, after 43 years it would have been difficult to adjust, I knew I had to slow down drinking if I wanted to make this relationship work. Late 2009 I moved again to Wolverhampton City Centre to a two bed flat and even with rent and bills I was still paying a lot less than I was paying for a room in London. The weakness with living in the city centre was it was near all the nightlife and pubs, a bad mix when you liked a drink. I became a regular at a pub near my flat, got to know the staff and in 2010 it was where me and my other half had our engagement party, yes I commited again but like I have already said I would get married again to the right person, I was comfortable and happy with my other half so it felt right for me to ask her to marry me.
2009 was also another holiday and for my other half her first time ever abroad now I was okay with flying but for her it was an experience which she didn’t like, four hours of nails in my arm, Bulgaria was the place we went to, it was hot and bad news was the beer was so cheap, it worked out about 45p per pint when you converted the currency into pounds so you can imagine how much we drank well mainly me but the local beers were so weak so it was like drinking pop to me, the spirits were another level though, double vodka and coke with a bit of coke and loads vodka, made up for the lagers I’m afraid. We did some sightseeing and the olde world villages were amazing and people friendly but we also experienced racism in Bourgas, I noticed it more than my other half did, it felt uncomfortable but it was the 21st Century, mixed relationships should be okay but to me Eastern Europe didn’t see it that way (controversial yes but this is just my view). Just to add also, I remeber asking my other half one night when I met the family for the first time whether I would be the only white guy there to which she just laughed and said no, I later found out most of her family and relations were in mixed relationships so again I felt more comfortable and joined in the way Caribbean culture celebrates life and believe me they do. It grew on me the food, the music, the way of life it was totally different to what I had ever known.
2010 and 2011 we went to Tenerife, I was earning good money so could afford the holidays but I was still in loads of debt, just when I thought I was getting debt free I got back into it again, again I was no good at managing money but still carried on living beyond my means, working loads of overtime just to clear my debts. November 2011, our second time in Tenerife we had a great week as we always did when we went away, we had made some friends out there the first time in 2010 and we are still in touch with some today 12 years on, the holiday ended in a bad way, I collapsed at the airport twice but was still allowed to travel even though I was in absolute agony with stomach pains, it was the longest 4 hours back to the UK ever. We got back to my flat and I literally had to crawl up the two flights of stairs I was doubled up in pain and couldn’t walk. I went to the doctors the day after, he checked me over and sent me straight to New Cross Hospital, I didn’t know how serious it was until I got to the hospital I was taken straight through then admitted to a ward where for about 3 weeks it was touch and go, I was more ill than I thought, teh days all merged into one, tests, blood samples drips with morphine and liquids to rehydrate me you name it they gave it me then after 3 weeks things started improving I came through it all but they found a blood clot near my gallbladder so for 6 months I was taking warfarin to thin my blood, I was also advised my lifestyle and drinking had caused some of the issues so no more drinking, I thought yeah that’s okay I can handle that or so I thought. Not drinking alcohol may sound easy to control but for somebody who drank it it was easier said than done, I played darts (revolved round alcohol), football away days (again alcohol involved), parties also involved alcohol, I found it hard to relax without a beer but I did know by not drinking I was still alive. Over the next 6 months I started to feel better in myself, I was eating better and feeling healthier too so some good was coming out of it then one night I made one big mistake, not deliberate but by accident.
We were out at our local one Saturday night with family and friends, everybody had been pretty supportive of me helping me to deal with the sober life but for some reason and I still don’t know why I went to the bar and instead of doing what I had been doing all night drinking soft drinks I ordered half lager for my other half and a pint of lager for me, I looked and thought what the hell am I doing, I could have sent it back but I didn’t I carried on and drank it and that was that I was back drinking again knowing full well what a possible outcome could be, I didn’t drink as much I was fairly careful but I felt more relaxed. I was back playing darts again every Sunday, in the pub at 11 and back home sometime between 4pm and 6pm, in that time I maybe drank 6 or 7 pints, it wasn’t touching the sides I started back in the spiral but still kept my promise of not drinking on my workdays it revolved round my rest days and long weekends.
Three years after I started drinking again, I was still happily engaged and we started planning our wedding date (well I did all the planning), July 2015 was the month we were looking at in Gretna then a big family party after at a local venue.
2014 started out great, things were falling in place for our wedding even though there was still loads to do we had the basics in place, ny dad was still in a bad place healthwise, he was deteriorating pretty quick spending time in and out of hospital, I spent a lot of time on my days off travelling up to Barnsley to see him not knowing how long he had left, he had gone downhill since my stepmom died in 2007. August 16th 2014 I received a phone call to say ‘Get up to Barnsley as soon as possible dad might not make it through the next few days’, I had just got to work for my late shift but once I had the phone call that was it I was going to Barnsley and didn’t know when I would be back, my team leader backed me all the way and sorted stuff out at work. The next 7 days were a blur except for one day which was my dad’s birthday, this was the best I had seen in, he was talkative sat up in bed and this was the dad I thought we had lost but sadly after this day that was it he went into a sort of coma being kept alive by morphine and drugs. He had kept asking if it was twenty to five yet, it didn’t mean nothing to me I kept saying no dad it’s (whatever time it was). August 23rd was his final day before gaining his wings, it was really spooky as well, when he passed I was inconsolable, my dad had died, he was the final piece in our family jigsaw which meant apart from my son and daughter I was last person standing in our generation as far as I knew, we had lost touch with any surviving members of my mom’s side and I didn’t include my step family as family, I looked at the clock on the wall it was twenty to five, my dad had predicted his own time of death. I was lost and torn apart I found it hard to put pieces together but the support from my soon to be wife and family was out of this world, they got me through some dark days, life was hard I had no input into his funeral, my step family took it over and I had to fight to even get my name mentioned on the day, I did get my final duty of carrying his coffin into the crematorium though. I was off work for a few weeks but I knew at some point I had to go back, life had to carry on. Wedding planning was in full swing too so I had plenty to keep me occupied, venue to find for the family party, suits and paperwork to sort out, travel to Gretna to finalise details so all in all I was occupied enough to cut my drinking down although I still was socialising with my friends but only a few pints not major like I had done. My dad had left a substantial amount of money in his will which was split five ways so the money he left me basically paid for the bulk of our wedding which was a massive help I was struggling to get money saved I had a plan but because of my financial situation I kept hitting brick walls, I wanted the best so Thank You Dad, you wre remembered on our big day and wish you could have been there.
Anvil Hall and Gretna was amazing, more about all this in the final part of Midlands or Bust bringing you up to speed of how my life through different ways was affected by alcohol and lifestyle before I start documenting my journey without alcohol, it had not been an easy time but I was in a better place now compared to what I had been, just needed to control a load of things which I always struggled with and which was also affecting my health now.
Life without Alcohol - My Journey from the Beginning 